Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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