turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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