M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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