i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
