does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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