there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
