I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You ruined the universe
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
