Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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