The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
