We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
