That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
