Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
