my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
