you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
