Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
