When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The air was thick with penises
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
