I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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