is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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