You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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