i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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