I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
