the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
