i barfeds in our rink
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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