I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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