Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
