What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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