your thong is hanging out like whoa
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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