Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
