It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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