from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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