I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
