the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize