Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
