cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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