aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
