We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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