my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
