I feel like abortions should bother me more
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
