I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
