i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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