My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
