If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You made out with two different species that night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
