dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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