this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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