It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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