I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
