Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
