I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
