so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
