So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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