she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
