her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
