I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
