its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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