I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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