No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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