Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The adults are the big ones right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
