I can text with my tongue
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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