5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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