dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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