What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
