and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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