Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
