the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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