i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
