I hate all girls vehemently.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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