Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
