No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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