Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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