just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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