You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize