Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just pee around me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
