he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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