Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
