just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
