I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
