I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
